I think everyone has a type.

But when it comes to love, I don’t think attraction is quite that simple.

Sometimes, you don’t fall for someone at first sight. Instead, your feelings grow as you get to know them. Maybe you begin to notice their talents, the way they think, or the qualities they have that you don’t.

You may find yourself thinking, “Maybe this is someone I could really build a life with.”

Perhaps that’s how attraction gradually develops into something deeper, eventually leading to marriage or a long-term partnership.

Of course, it’s not that simple. Relationships can be incredibly complicated.

Someone who’s handsome, confident, and masculine, or someone who’s feminine, adorable, and charming, is naturally going to attract attention.

There’s no denying that.

But the more popular someone is, the more competition there tends to be.

So here’s something I’ve been wondering: Is it really a smart move to compete for someone everyone seems to want?

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with pursuing someone you’re attracted to. You’re free to follow your heart, and you should never feel that you need permission to like someone.

But winning someone’s heart is never guaranteed.

That’s why I believe it’s important to recognize the qualities that make you attractive beyond your physical appearance.

I think there’s a lot more to attraction than looks.

Your personality, your values, your abilities, and the way you see the world can all make you attractive to another person.

Maybe you have qualities that complement each other. Maybe you share similar abilities and values. Or perhaps the other person has strengths that you don’t, and you find yourself admiring them.

Being able to respect each other, learn from each other, and make up for each other’s weaknesses can be the foundation of a wonderful relationship.

And there’s something else I think matters more than people realize: the environment we grew up in and the everyday manners we learned along the way.

For example, in Japan, it’s customary to take off your shoes at the entrance of a home and neatly turn them around before stepping inside.

Personally, I find it difficult to overlook someone who leaves their shoes scattered around or doesn’t seem to care about it at all.

I know not everyone was raised with the same habits. But I was brought up to believe that these little things matter, so I can’t help noticing them.

What particularly bothers me is when someone takes off their shoes and simply leaves them pointing in whatever direction they happened to be facing.

In Japan, the usual custom is to take off your shoes, move them neatly to the side, and turn them so the toes point toward the entrance. It’s a small gesture, but it shows consideration for the people who live there and for the next time you need to put your shoes on.

Maybe this is something I notice because I’m Japanese. Or perhaps it’s simply a difference in how people were raised.

Either way, to me, it’s a matter of basic manners.

And I think these seemingly insignificant habits can tell us a lot about someone and the kind of relationship we might have with them.

The same goes for eating out.

If someone has foods they can’t eat, that’s understandable. We all have different preferences, restrictions, and needs.

But when someone takes those things into consideration, chooses a restaurant where both people can enjoy themselves, or thoughtfully helps navigate the menu, I notice that.

It makes me think, “What a genuinely considerate person.”

Someone who naturally thinks about another person’s comfort, rather than focusing only on themselves, is someone special.

Honestly, being with someone like that would be wonderful.

This has turned into a bit of a discussion about love and relationships, but from a woman’s perspective, I really do think these things matter.

Of course, men may see things differently.

Still, I sometimes wonder whether some men have a slightly misguided idea of what it means to be masculine or attractive.

What does it actually mean to be a truly admirable man?

Personally, I believe that a man who knows how to protect and care for someone he loves has a quality that goes far beyond physical strength or a confident appearance.

And by protecting someone, I don’t just mean being physically strong enough to defend them.

I mean understanding their feelings. Being there when they’re struggling. Helping them feel safe when they’re anxious. And showing kindness not only to the person they love, but also to strangers who genuinely need help.

I find that kind of strength truly attractive.

There’s something I’ve been noticing a lot lately.

I often see elderly people who seem to be struggling at train stations or in other public places, yet few people stop to ask if they need help.

Of course, not everyone ignores them. But I sometimes wish more people would pay attention to what’s happening around them.

And this isn’t just about older people.

Japan welcomes a huge number of international visitors these days, and people have all kinds of opinions about tourism and its impact on the country.

But among those visitors are plenty of people who are genuinely confused, lost, or struggling to find their way.

Japan’s railway system, in particular, can be incredibly complicated.

Which train should you take? Which line goes to your destination? Where do you transfer?

Even with English signs and maps, it isn’t always easy to figure things out.

So I sometimes wonder: Why don’t more people simply ask if someone needs help?

“Where are you trying to go?”

“Can I help you with anything?”

That’s all it takes to start a conversation.

Just one simple question can make someone feel a little less lost and a lot more at ease.

From what I’ve observed, people in Japan seem less likely to initiate casual conversations with strangers than they once were.

I sometimes get the impression that younger women are more likely to approach someone who’s having trouble and offer help.

Of course, there are plenty of men who are thoughtful, kind, and quick to lend a hand, too.

But when I see people notice someone struggling and simply look the other way, I can’t help feeling a little disappointed.

Is that part of Japanese culture?

Or is it something that’s changed over time?

I’ve traveled to many countries and lived abroad, and I’ve had countless experiences where strangers approached me, offered help, or simply started a friendly conversation when I needed it.

I’m not saying one country is better than another. Every culture has its own customs, and people express kindness in different ways.

But because I’ve experienced that kind of openness elsewhere, I sometimes wonder why we can’t make it a little easier to reach out to one another here in Japan.

Just the other day, I saw a Swedish couple at my local train station who were having a hard time figuring out which line would take them to their destination.

The husband thought one route was correct, while his wife wasn’t so sure. They were looking at the English signs and trying to work out where they needed to go.

So I approached them and offered to help.

After talking with them, I realized they were about to head in a completely different direction from where they actually wanted to go.

Japan’s railway system really can be confusing, especially for visitors who aren’t familiar with it.

Even major stations like Shibuya and Shinjuku can be difficult to navigate, and that’s true even for people who live in Tokyo.

That’s exactly why I think we should pay a little more attention to the people around us.

If someone looks lost or seems to be struggling, why not take a moment to ask if they need help?

It doesn’t have to be a big gesture.

Sometimes, that one small act of kindness can make a huge difference to someone else’s day.

And honestly, I’d love to be with a partner who has that kind of heart.

Someone like that would make a wonderful partner in love, in marriage, and in life.

Because ultimately, I don’t think what matters most is someone’s appearance, status, or reputation.

What matters is their values, how they treat other people, and the kind of person they are when nobody is watching.

There’s one more thing I’ve always found puzzling about dating Japanese men.

Some seem to have a hard time expressing how they really feel about the women they’re interested in.

Do they like you or not?

Do they genuinely care about you?

Do they see a future with you?

From a woman’s perspective, it can be incredibly frustrating when you can’t tell how someone feels.

And I’d especially like younger men today to think about this.

Some feelings simply don’t come across unless you put them into words.

Of course, words aren’t everything. Actions matter, too.

But sometimes, a woman wants to hear that you like her. She wants to know that she matters to you. If you care about her, she may want you to say so instead of leaving her guessing.

So why don’t you say it?

Are you embarrassed?

Are you afraid of being rejected?

Or do you assume that she already knows how you feel?

Everyone has their own reasons, of course.

But if you want someone to understand your feelings, you have to be willing to express them.

Sometimes, a relationship begins with the simple act of being honest about how you feel.

Of course, everyone approaches love differently, and this certainly doesn’t apply to every man.

There are plenty of Japanese men who are sincere, thoughtful, and genuinely committed to treating their partners well.

But I do wish more men would make an effort to understand their partner’s feelings, show consideration, and communicate their own emotions clearly.

And finally, there’s one more thing I’d like to say.

When it comes to love, it’s important to look beyond someone’s words and charm and pay attention to their intentions.

For example, some people are exceptionally good at understanding what others want to hear and making them feel special.

That’s a skill that can be especially noticeable in people who work professionally in the dating or relationship industry.

And sometimes, it’s easy to become so caught up in someone’s kindness, attention, or beautiful words that we lose sight of what they really want from us.

Of course, you can’t judge someone simply by their profession. But I think it’s important to stay grounded and ask yourself what the other person is actually looking for and whether their intentions are genuine.

The same applies whether you’re dating someone from another country or someone from your own.

What matters isn’t their nationality, appearance, or ability to say all the right things.

What matters is whether they genuinely care about you and treat you with respect.

Going forward, I’d love to continue hearing people’s stories and offering advice about love and relationships.

There’s no single right answer when it comes to love.

That’s why I think it’s important to talk things through, look at different perspectives, and figure things out together.

So if you ever want to talk about love, relationships, or anything that’s on your mind, please feel free to come by and talk to me.

I’ll be here, and I’d be happy to hear your story.

心晴れるまで

土屋梨沙