When it comes to love and relationships, I’ve always felt that where someone was raised and the values they grew up with can have a much greater influence on them than we realize.

People change depending on the environment they grew up in and the environment they find themselves in today.

That’s why something that feels completely normal and natural to one person may feel completely foreign to someone else.

And love is no exception.

For example, what happens when the person you’re with treats you in a way that feels disrespectful or beneath the level of respect you believe you deserve? Or when they come from an environment where people are constantly ranked, looked down on, or treated as though there is a clear hierarchy between them?

I often wonder what it must feel like to be on the receiving end of that.

If I were in that position, I think it would be incredibly painful.

Working as a fortune teller in Shinjuku, I come across situations like this more often than you might imagine.

I see people constantly looking at their phones without paying attention to the people standing right in front of them.

They don’t notice how others feel.
They don’t notice how they themselves come across to the people around them.

They are so focused on themselves that they barely see anything outside of themselves.

And there are certainly many people like that.

But when it comes to being genuinely loved, I believe it is incredibly important to see the person in front of you—and to be aware of the people and environment around you.

Not just:

“What do I want?”

But also:

“How will this make the other person feel?”

“How do I look to the people around me right now?”

“Does the way I’m speaking or behaving show that I actually value this person?”

I believe that people who are capable of asking themselves these questions, and who have the sensitivity to notice the feelings of others, are much more likely to be valued and loved.

There is an old saying: “Birds of a feather flock together.”

And I think there is some truth to that when it comes to relationships as well.

The people we choose to surround ourselves with, the environments we place ourselves in, and the values we choose to live by naturally influence the kinds of people who become part of our lives.

But I don’t believe that two people have to come from exactly the same world in order to have a meaningful relationship.

In fact, sometimes it is precisely because two people come from different worlds that they are drawn to each other.

They may have completely different backgrounds, values, and ways of thinking.

And yet, somehow, you discover a kindness in that person that you have never experienced in yourself.

Rather than forcing someone to conform to your idea of what is “normal” or how they “should” behave, there is something beautiful about being able to accept a different perspective and recognize the kindness and love within it.

Maybe that is part of what makes love so fascinating.

Instead of thinking,

“We’re different, so this could never work,”

you begin to think,

“We’re different, but there is something incredibly beautiful about the way this person sees the world.”

Some people are capable of discovering an entirely different world within another person.

And sometimes, they even feel something that they can only describe as fate.

That is why, when we look for friends, close companions, romantic partners, or the person we want to spend our life with, perhaps we shouldn’t simply search for someone who is exactly like us.

Perhaps we should also be willing to understand someone else’s world.

Where did they grow up?

What experiences shaped them?

What do they value?

What makes them feel kindness?

What makes them feel loved?

What kind of things make them feel emotionally connected to another person?

I think we need to look at all of those things when we are truly trying to understand someone.

Because that, to me, is what it means to really know another person.

Of course, I believe the environment someone grows up in matters tremendously.

The way a person interacts with others and the kind of sensitivity they develop are often influenced, at least to some degree, by the environment in which they were raised.

And sometimes, vulgar or disrespectful behavior reveals something about a person’s character.

Someone who is consistently unhygienic.

Someone who has no manners.

Someone who has no respect for basic rules.

Honestly, I think most people would say they don’t want to be around someone who behaves that way.

And I don’t think that makes us judgmental or overly strict.

There are certain basic standards that matter when human beings are trying to live together and build relationships with one another.

That is why manners matter.

To me, manners are not simply about “doing the right thing.”

They are about recognizing that other people exist in this world alongside you.

They are about being able to step outside of your own perspective and imagine how another person might feel.

And they are about not unnecessarily judging or rejecting someone simply because they are different from you.

Those small choices, repeated over time, become part of a person’s character, dignity, and sensibility.

But there is one thing I think is extremely important to remember.

The environment someone grew up in does not determine who they ultimately become.

That distinction matters deeply to me.

No matter what kind of environment someone was raised in, they can learn.

They can change through the people they meet.

They can recognize their own mistakes and choose to grow.

And by experiencing worlds that are different from the one they were raised in, they can develop kindness, understanding, and sensitivity that they may never have been exposed to before.

That is why I truly believe that even someone who grew up in an extremely difficult or unhealthy environment can become an extraordinary human being if they continue to learn, reflect, and make the effort to change themselves.

Ultimately, a person is not defined simply by where they came from.

What matters is what they learned from it, what they felt along the way, and how willing they have been to continue evolving themselves.

I believe that is where a person’s true value reveals itself.

And love is no different.

It isn’t always about,

“I love you because we have the same values.”

Sometimes it is:

“I love the way you think, even though it’s different from the way I think.”

“I love your kindness.”

“I feel like I become a better version of myself when I’m with you.”

Those feelings can be just as important.

A person who is loved is not necessarily just someone who is kind.

They are someone you feel safe with.

Someone you can respect as a human being.

Someone others naturally respect and hold in high regard.

Someone who doesn’t need to put another person down in order to make themselves feel important.

I think those are the kinds of people who make us want to say,

“I want to take care of this person. I want to protect what we have.”

Because love cannot survive on feelings alone.

Eventually, everything about a person begins to show.

Their words.

Their actions.

Their sensitivity.

The way they treat other people.

And their ability to remain open to a world that is different from their own.

All of those things slowly become visible to the person they love.

That is why I often think about this:

If you want to be loved, perhaps the first question you should ask yourself is, “What does it actually mean to be someone worthy of love?”

And perhaps we should also take another look at the people around us and the environment we have chosen for ourselves.

Not everyone who is right for us will come from the exact same world.

There are so many people living in completely different worlds who possess extraordinary sensitivity, kindness, and capacity for love.

We shouldn’t be afraid of those differences.

Sometimes, we simply need to look closely enough to discover the kindness that exists within another person.

And at the same time, we need to keep learning, changing, and growing ourselves.

Whether it is a friend, a close companion, a lover, or a life partner—

perhaps the goal isn’t simply to find someone who “fits” us perfectly.

Perhaps the most beautiful relationship is the one where, years later, you can look at each other and genuinely feel:

“Meeting you made both of our lives a little richer.”

What do you think?

心晴れるまで

土屋梨沙