To me, I think it means when someone’s heart begins to drift away from their partner.

Or maybe it’s when you lose your sense of boundaries and start getting too close to someone you shouldn’t.

Honestly, I think it’s difficult to define cheating as something purely physical.

Is cheating the moment you become physically involved with someone?

Or is it the moment your heart begins to belong to someone else?

But then again… what does it really mean for your heart to “move” toward someone?

Of course, there are people who cheat physically.

It’s often said that men are more likely to do it, but I don’t think something as complicated as cheating can really be divided that simply by gender.

For women, sometimes it can begin emotionally.

You start talking to someone.

You find yourself thinking about them more and more.

You feel happy because they understand you.

And before you even realize it, that person starts taking up more and more space in your heart.

Your feelings begin to shift toward them without you even noticing.

And maybe… that is a kind of cheating too.

The hardest part is that you never really know how long those feelings will last.

Sometimes they disappear within a few days.

Sometimes they last for a few months.

Sometimes they continue for years.

And sometimes, they can stay somewhere inside you for decades.

That’s what makes this so complicated.

And if your partner does cheat, I think there’s another question that matters just as much:

How much can you forgive?

Because honestly, love is free.

There is no perfect order.
No perfect sequence.
No absolute rule that says love has to happen in a certain way.

And that’s exactly why love can be so difficult.

Marriage is a little different, of course.

Marriage is also a legal contract.

But honestly, I sometimes feel that what matters even more than the contract is the emotional bond between two people.

So what is cheating?

Is it when your bodies become involved with someone else?

Is it when your heart begins to drift away?

Or is it the moment your feelings start turning toward someone else?

Maybe there is no single answer.

Maybe the answer is different for everyone.

That’s why I think it’s important to ask yourself:

What can I forgive?

What can’t I forgive?

Who do I want to be with?

What kind of distance do I want to have with the people I love?

And most importantly—

What kind of love do I want to choose for myself?

There is no absolute right answer when it comes to love.

So whatever you do…

Don’t lose sight of your own heart.

I’ll keep guiding you today, too.

— Today’s column.

心晴れるまで

土屋梨沙